"On the count of 3, I'll throw this snowball...1..2.."

The shortest answer I can possibly give to this question is ‘no’. The longer, more detailed answer would be something along the lines of ‘no, it is probably the worst movie ever of any type because…’. I would then list all of the things that make a movie rubbish and Ice Spiders would be guilty of every single one on multiple counts.

According to wikipedia, the plot of Ice Spiders is: ‘A group of young Olympic skiers go to train with a retired professional skier at a ski resort in West Virginia.’ So far, so good. Well, not really because who goes to watch a movie without knowing the title? Nobody. That’s why I know that this is not going to be lots of extreme skiing, big jumps and beautiful landscapes – this is going to be skiers getting attacked by spiders. But not just any spiders – Ice Spiders…

What happens in the next hour or so of the viewer’s life will leave them terrified. Not of these hideous CGI creations but that the hour or so you’ve just wasted is never coming back. Spiders attack people all over the mountains while simultaneously making a strange noise that I can’t quite recall. It was like a click-click-click with a bit of screech thrown into the mix. Whatever it was, it annoyed me.

Skiers end up taking shelter in a bus. I don’t even remember if they escaped or not. I’m losing more interest in the film  now and I watched it more than a week ago. Spiders attacked the bus, maybe it drove away. Who cares!?

Well, it all ended brilliantly for the two main characters (not sure they were professional actors though). The main guy and girl romantic story was the ex-pro skiing instructor and the young, female scientist. They made some ‘funny’ double-entendre comments at each other and then walked or skied into the sunset.

Final shot – spider’s eggs? That’s what I think happened but I had dropped off. It does sound like a rather generic ending for a low-budget horror movie so I’ll stick with that.

That all said, it was pretty funny.

“Take that, Army dudes! We don’t need you to kick spider butt.”

This was a real quote from the movie. Now go out and beg, steal or borrow* a copy of this amazing piece of modern cinema. Don’t delay because if there is any justice in the world, every single frame will be destroyed soon.

* Ski buzz does not condone begging or stealing of any kind. Borrowing is ok if you ask first the person first.